Farewell, My Black Balloon
Posted by foreverjakers | Posted in | Posted on 3:06 PM
0
I guess you can say....that things have changed. Over the past few months. Massively, might I add. Looking back on when the school year started, it feels like I'm looking through the eyes of a bent-over old man. Someone older, wiser, someone who's gone through quite a bit. But I can say that we, us, everyone is in a better place. A happier one than before. Some of us have already recovered, and some of us seem like we have but only pretend and lie to everyone else. I can say that I'm one of those people, not the ones that are lying to themselves/everyone, but the ones who can finally hold their head up, say "Fuck it", and just live in the present. I've been meaning to do a post for awhile now, but whenever I would open up this "new post" page I'd just blank out. I'd sit there, unsure of what to really say because....well, there's quite a lot to say, and I'm not so sure where to begin.
I'm leaving, in six days. For a month abroad in Vietnam, with my family and other relatives that I don't even remember. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous, I'm just afraid of not what'll happen over there, but what'll happen over here when I'm gone. A lot can happen in a month and a half. I'm not saying that, oh, when I'm gone, everything simply is going to fall apart. But I'm just afraid that I won't really be there for anyone when they need me the most. I guess I can only hope things'll remain intact.
As for everyone else-Kerensa is still Kerensa. Blonde at times (though not often, it astounds me that she breaks her stereotype so often), but a friend that's always there and wiser than she lets on. Nicole is, as far as I can remember, the same as well. Sarcastic at times, yes. Blunt at times, yes. But a best friend who's been with me through everything and more to come? Definitely yes. Benjay seems to have become someone of his own compared to when I first was friends with him in Sophomore year. A bit spasmodic, but I guess that's something that'll never change. Then there's Ryan, someone who came into my life and picked everything up, pieced it all together, and has loved me despite what has happened in the past. These are the people that hold me together, who I would never forget. These are the ones that allow me to go to bed with a calm mind, knowing that things'll be okay.
I don't really know why I'm typing this, why I'm posting this. I could just simply leave next Friday without even saying anything. But a part of me wants to remember, how everything is, right now. This little photograph in my mind, that's what this is. I can say with self-confidence that I no longer hate those that have done what they've done, I don't care about those meddlesome things of the past. I just want to live now, here, in the present. In the moment. Me, with this small, black netbook balanced on my knees as I hit key after key. Me in my storage-space-of-a-room. Me with all of these things, photographed. Remembered.
[Forever, Jakers]
I don't really know why I'm typing this, why I'm posting this. I could just simply leave next Friday without even saying anything. But a part of me wants to remember, how everything is, right now. This little photograph in my mind, that's what this is. I can say with self-confidence that I no longer hate those that have done what they've done, I don't care about those meddlesome things of the past. I just want to live now, here, in the present. In the moment. Me, with this small, black netbook balanced on my knees as I hit key after key. Me in my storage-space-of-a-room. Me with all of these things, photographed. Remembered.
[Forever, Jakers]
